Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Asking for Help: Weakness or Humility?

Some of you may be surprised by this proclamation:  I HATE asking for help!  It's humiliating for me.  I feel like the person I'm asking for help from feels taken advantage of.  Another part of it, I think many of us view asking for help as a sign of weakness and I am not weak.  I am a strong woman....who can't do it all.  Since living in Utah, my family has had to resort to plenty of humble pie.  We've asked family members for help (this one is tough because you want to be the grown-up and when you ask for help, you feel like a kid again).  I've asked friends for help (a dear friend babysits for me 3X a week so I can work).  I've asked for help from work and from church, from neighbors and...well, from a lot of people.  I have been in no way worthy of the out-pouring of love and support I have received in return.  Am I worthy of all the good things that people have poured into my live? 

This post comes as a reaction to the events of my past week.  I won't delve in too deeply, but I will say that Chris was attacked on a paper he presented at a conference this week from other LDS members.  He was attacked on his belief system and basically told that he was a tool for Satan.  He could laugh and shake it off.  I didn't do as well.  Many of the comments I read in his write-up at Deseret News mentioned that more often than not, it was lazy people who were poor and that they deserve to be where they are.  I wanted to cry as I thought of my own situation.  I'm not poor by many standards, but we often struggle with day-to-day bills.  We don't own fancy toys. In fact, our car remains outside our house, unable to start and we've been borrowing a car from my parents.  We don't take fancy trips (I do dream of them quite often, however).  The only store we spend money in is the grocery store.  Yet, things are tight.  Are we lazy?  Yikes, Chris is working two full-time jobs, I work one part-time job....Lazy...no.  I think of how Chris was so harshly judged and I have to ask myself..."Who am I judging?  Who have I condemned?" 

Every time we judge someone, are we judging righteously (fyi....the righteous don't judge)?  Are we quick to assume the worst in someone?  I worry too much about what people think.  But I have to remind myself...asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it's a sign of humility.  Please tell me I've been humbled enough.


  1. Oh boy Lyndsee this is a tough one!! Of course it isn't a weakness to ask for help but I am so guilty of this. I can say it isn't for you but I have pride issues and I HATE asking for help!

    One of the things I struggle with is seeing the homeless and hearing people say, why don't they get off their butts and work like the rest of us. What people don't realize is that 'most' (there's always an exception...) can't get work because for one reason or another they are where they are because they fell on hard times. You can't get a job without an address. You can't get a job without paper work. If the people are homeless....how do they get a residence so they can show paper work to get a job?

    It's complicated. No, being poor doesn't mean laziness and quite frankly, you know what the scriptures say.....

    That said, I would like to see how I would handle the trial of "being rich" :D

    Hang in there. You've many who love and support you and your family. We know your hearts.

  2. Rachel, you are so right. If only we could actually meet the people personally that we so harshly judge.

  3. oh lyndee. i am so sorry. it seems as though all those i love are having a hard time right now. i have another friend who is losing her house in a month. her husband works 3 jobs! he never sleeps. he is tired. and sad. and he has a degree from a good school. they are good people...who are going through something very very hard right now.

    here is the thing: people will judge. because people are inexperienced. i have such a hard time with this...but it is just the truth. adults are just kids...with some social skills that may or may not be used...and some experience. it seems like the more people experience the kinder they are.

    so here it is, for what it is worth: i love you guys. i can feel how good you are and i love your spunk and your heart. it is hard to ask for help of any kind...don't forget what a blessing it is for others to serve..it is their chance to practice charity. and without charity we are nothing. and if some people choose not to practice charity then that is sad for them.

    i wish i could say more here and actually help you feel better. i am just so sorry. we are going to the temple here (only the 2nd time since we moved here....) and i will FOR SURE put your names on the roll. ;) my heart goes out to you and chris...even though he laughs things off...i still want him to know how cool he is TO ME!!! :) you both are!!!!

  4. and asking for help is not weakness. and it takes a great deal of humility....which i don't have. i got a double dose of pride. pride and hips. :)

  5. Thank you, Misty! Chris got a call from Casper College today for an interview, so things are looking up. I appreciate your post. We all have something to learn so each of us go through our own trials. So many times, we have no idea what another person is going through. I look at my next door neighbor busy with a big family, graduate school and balancing everything (like you guys). It's not easy, but the thought that it won't last forever is very comforting! And by forever, I'm gonna have to mean eternity cause some trials on this earth do last our whole lifetimes.

  6. Double dose of hips? You crack me up!

  7. It's very hard not to judge others. I find myself doing it to often. It's one of the things I'm working on. I don't like asking for help either. Although I have to remember that I help others when I can so it's only normal for others to help me.

  8. Don't pay attention to the comments on the article! The majority of people don't comment I think, and so only the people with extreme feelings on either end of the spectrum end up commenting, over and over! Mark wanted to jump on and defend him in the comments.

  9. Tell Mark thank you from us. I know a lot of people don't agree with Chris's politics, and that's fine. I just wish they'd stay civil. Oh, well. He's got a thick skin.


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