Some of you may be surprised by this proclamation: I HATE asking for help! It's humiliating for me. I feel like the person I'm asking for help from feels taken advantage of. Another part of it, I think many of us view asking for help as a sign of weakness and I am not weak. I am a strong woman....who can't do it all. Since living in Utah, my family has had to resort to plenty of humble pie. We've asked family members for help (this one is tough because you want to be the grown-up and when you ask for help, you feel like a kid again). I've asked friends for help (a dear friend babysits for me 3X a week so I can work). I've asked for help from work and from church, from neighbors and...well, from a lot of people. I have been in no way worthy of the out-pouring of love and support I have received in return. Am I worthy of all the good things that people have poured into my live?
This post comes as a reaction to the events of my past week. I won't delve in too deeply, but I will say that Chris was attacked on a paper he presented at a conference this week from other LDS members. He was attacked on his belief system and basically told that he was a tool for Satan. He could laugh and shake it off. I didn't do as well. Many of the comments I read in his write-up at Deseret News mentioned that more often than not, it was lazy people who were poor and that they deserve to be where they are. I wanted to cry as I thought of my own situation. I'm not poor by many standards, but we often struggle with day-to-day bills. We don't own fancy toys. In fact, our car remains outside our house, unable to start and we've been borrowing a car from my parents. We don't take fancy trips (I do dream of them quite often, however). The only store we spend money in is the grocery store. Yet, things are tight. Are we lazy? Yikes, Chris is working two full-time jobs, I work one part-time job....Lazy...no. I think of how Chris was so harshly judged and I have to ask myself..."Who am I judging? Who have I condemned?"
Every time we judge someone, are we judging righteously (fyi....the righteous don't judge)? Are we quick to assume the worst in someone? I worry too much about what people think. But I have to remind myself...asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it's a sign of humility. Please tell me I've been humbled enough.