It's all I've been thinking about for the past 3-4 days. Thoughts keep running through my mind and like any workout, I'm exhausted. What can I do to get these stops to quite replaying over and over like a broken record player? I knew I wanted to type it out but didn't know the proper place. Facebook was a little too public for me. My craft blog certainly wasn't the appropriate place. Then I quickly realized that my blog that started it all for me....that's why I had set up to begin with....to get all those thoughts out of my head and into something tangible. So, without further ado, I'm going to purge.
A darling, sweet angel in Geneva's primary class was killed in a ski accident on Christmas Eve. A snowboarder didn't see her and her mother and slammed into them, killing him and the girl instantly. The mother is still in the ICU with neck and head trauma. Another member of our ward saw the whole thing happen and I worry about what kinds of pictures he must constantly be seeing in his mind. Our neighbors and fellow members of the ward, were with them that day. The father is a doctor and was the first to respond to the accident. He performed CPR on her even though he knew it was too late. Can you imagine what he's going through right now? He sent his kids to tell his wife so she could go find the husband/father of the victim. He had been waiting for them at the top of the bunny hill. He (the father) came to church on Sunday so he could talk to us and let us know that he was okay but that his family would need our prayers. What a man of strength. They have a 3-4 month-old that's never taken a bottle. The first night he just cried, refusing to eat. The father was distraught. Mom's sister came into town the next day and she has a baby a similar age. She was able to nurse the baby. What a blessing.
I can't stop seeing this girl's face in my mind. She was just so beautiful and sweet. Really, an angel. I was in Primary this past Sunday. The primary president had talked to this class of 5-yr-olds about Ellie. Can you imagine having to talk to such a young age group about something like this? They don't understand yet. I know Geneva doesn't. Maybe they are just more pure and realize that our earth life is so short and we'll see Ellie soon. For me, as a parent, one day without my child can feel like an eternity. I ache for the parent and what they are going through. I can't stop looking at my children and hope they are with me on earth for a very long time. I wonder what will happen when Ellie's mom finds out about her daughter. I imagine how I would feel and it's unbearable.
I also go through many stages of guilt. I feel guilty for being happy. Why should I feel joy when they are feeling so much sorrow? I look at all the strangers around me and feel anger. How dare they act like nothing is wrong?!! I quicly realize there is sorrow and pain all around me--I'm just not often aware of it. It doesn't mean that I can't be happy. But I should try being aware of those around me.
In the meantime, I will pray for this family and I would hope you would too. Pray that they will be able to adjust to the changes that are happening around them. Pray that they can be comforted. Pray that Ellie's mom can heal. So many prayers...never too many.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Why do we do it to ourselves? Why do we give ourselves this pressure at Christmas time. It's so dumb, really. We can send cards out any other time of the year. We don't have to make cookies for every house in our neighborhood. We don't have to go to every Christmas party. Yet, every year it's the same. We expect so much from ourselves and then when it's over, we feel horrible about ourselves and set a bunch of unrealistic expectations on ourselves...otherwise known as resolutions. I have a recurrent dream yearround. It's Christmas or Christmas Eve and I realize that I've forgotten to buy/make any Christmas gifts. I wake up with some serious ulcers. So, is this year any different? Did I learn anything from last year? Nope. I will say though, that with the exception of the work and ward party, we have most nights free. We don't have tons of in our cul-di-sac. I won this year's Christmas cards on a giveaway, and the only think I've bakes is my favorite Cornflake Wreath cookies. We still don't have all the gifts, but we at least have it planned...almost.